Letting Go
by Breakeven31
Summary: <html><head></head>Bella finds herself lost when james kills her mother and destroys life as she used to know it.She soon meets Edward and falls for him immediately. Being with him everithing is perfect but even with him the terrifying memories wont go away. PLEASE READ!</html>
1. Arrival

**Im dont own twilight and im not Stephanie Meyer since i my writing is not good as hers :D**

Taking all my belongings from my house is not the most pleasant thing, when your mother died in that house. There was glass everywhere, blood too. Life was going on without my mother and it was depressing. I was taking depressing pills, because I tried to kill myself once, is not the thing people actually want to know. They are just looking at you like if you were going to explode at any moment. _Beep beep! _I heard my boyfriend beep. I just had to do this fast and get it over with. I saw a shadow... "Haa!" wow he freaking scared me." Hey hey, its just me are you all right?"

" Yeah I am fine its just you cant come in like that, especially, in this house and besides its really hard to see that all of this is still in the same place after all this time has passed. I just cant believe it." I really did not want to, but I started choking up a little. I just could not cry, my mother was In a better place now and even though it hurt, I was glad I had her as a mother, even though it was for a short time.

"Bella its okay, babe." As he hugged me I started remembering the day that marked my life, forever. It all started on August the 15th a Friday.

"Bella do u know where my pink dress is at? I remember leaving it in the dryer" My mother asks, for what has been the millionth time.

"No mom I told u I left it in your bed, five minutes ago." I tell her again.

"Besides mom why do u need it, tomorrow you go to work and you do not go out on weekends right?"

"Bella I am not going out today. James, the guy I have been seeing over the past two months, wants to meet you. Besides if he wants to be serious with me, he needs to know that I come with a package." She said.

I tried not to get offensive since, it sounded that I was more of a burden to her than anything else but maybe it was just my imagination running wild.

"Well then, should I get dressed or something?"

"No, No Bella just put something better than sweats and please brush your hair . Its flying all over the place." I rolled my eyes I hated when she treated me like that, like a little child that needed to know how to dress appropriately for guests.

While putting my hair in a ponytail I heard the doorbell ring and then, heard Rene greeting James. I went down the stairs to see and as soon as I saw James, I knew who he was and I could not believe it.

**If anyone's reading this then please comment if you like it so far :D**


	2. Tragedy

**I do not own twiligh because my writing is not as good as Stephaine Meyer**

**Hope this is not to long for anyone, that is if anyones reading this. LOL :D**

"Bella stop being rude and say hi!" my mom whispered fierciely.

"Ummm...Hi" I didn't know what to say I was shocked and pretty sure my mouth was hanging open. It was him the teacher that had raped my best friend, Rosalie, in junior high. After that I got switched to another school and never heard of her since then and with the divorce moved to Arizona with my mother. As for him, he got banned from teaching and went to Seattle's jail.

"Well I'll go set the table to eat, be right back" said my mother. I so did not want to be left alone with this man he gave me the creeps.

"Well hello there Bella. Been waiting to meet you. Your mother has been talking a lot about you" looking at him I saw some sort of recognition that he knew who I was and what I knew. I tried to smile but didn't quite get it right. I could feel him checking me out, until my mom came back in and he snapped his head towards her like if he was doing nothing but waiting for her.

"Well dinners ready"

"Mom? I'm going to a friends house to do a project thats due tomorrow so sorry cant stay for dinner. Nice meeting you _James._" She just gave me one of those looks that said well talk about this later.

I just went to the park. I preferred to be anywhere but there.

Hoping my mother would get over him within the week like every other guy she's found a problem in. Then their dates became more frequent and I no longer saw my mother as much. She grew distant the more she saw him and I worried every day, she decided to stay over at his house,and not call.

"Mom are you okay? I am just asking because you seem, different." She started wearing these really baggy shirts and pants.

"Bella I am perfectly fine actually better then fine. James is wonderful and well, I've been a little worried and decided to do this myself if things went wrong." I started to worry and thought that maybe he'd done something horrible to her and that she was finally over him but I NEVER imagined it would be something like, what was coming.

"Mom are you okay did he do something to you- " she cut me off

"No, No Bella listen. Its well, something wonderful, but really unplanned darling, and you have to listen that this was as much my fault as it was his."

Oh god if this is was what I think it is I so don't want to hear it and I'm sure my face showed it.

"We well…I never thought I'd do this. I thought you would be doing this to me. Yeah how things go." I so did not want to hear my worst nightmare coming true.

"I'm Pregnant Bella!" My mother looking more scared than nothing for my reaction,but I was not surprised. The world just was clearly sending the message that my life was not shitty enough and I needed to suffer some more.

"Well Bella darling say something don't leave me hanging."

"Mom who's is it?" That was the stupidest question to ask since I was a hundredth percent sure who's it was, but hoping it was not true. I was no where against her having a baby, I always wanted someone to be with, but did it have to be with him!

"Darling well its James, of course. I've only been seeing him, for months Bella, know why would you say something like that if you know exactly." yeah she was pregnant, hormones kicking in.

"Mom I've been trying to avoid this but he's not the perfect guy you think he is he's, James, the guy from Seattle, the one who raped ,Rosalie, mom. It's him and you are going out with him don't you see?"

I was trying not to panic as I told her this but I was terrified for her reaction, of her responding and telling me I was a liar.

"Bella Marie Swan! how can you say such a bad thing about him? You may not like him but you have no right to accuse him of such a repulsive thing like that! I thought you would be happy for me but I guess I was wrong since u are just as selfish as your father and not wanting to see me happy! Now go to your room young Missy and don't come out until your ready to apologize." I went to my room infuriated how dare she accuse me of such a thing. How could she think I'm making this up just because I do not like him? It's totally ridiculous! Yeah i dont like him but he brought it on himself. He had her totally sucked in to his little trap and now with a baby they where sure to move in together and I wont be able to do anything about it.

Even though I knew I was right, I just went along because I felt bad, I never last long fighting with my mom. So I just said I was sorry because I really was sorry for hurting her, but not sorry for telling the truth.

The next few days were tense. I found out that we were moving in with James. The day before the move I was furious not because of the moving, but for the fact that my mom never acknowledged it to me beforehand. My mom had said " Oppps sorry honey you know I keep on forgetting things with this pregnancy" yeah she blamed it all on the baby and it was driving me nuts.

The first day sleeping there was so weird, I just kept fidgeting from discomfort. I couldn't help but have this feeling that coming to live with James was not a good idea and that something bad was going to happen. And like that I just jinxed myself.

Three months later and that's when the first of the many nightmares started.

It was a Saturday and I was alone at home. James was at work, or so I thought. Looking out the window, to the backyard, I heard someone open the door. Thinking it was my mom; I went downstairs since James always arrives in time for dinner. But I was _so _wrong. It was James and he was furious for some reason of the unknown until now.

James justlooked at me with such hatred and grabbed me by the arm and dragged me to my room. I was trying to get away fighting him with my legs the whole time but his restrain was too strong.

"Let go of ME!"I yelled frantically. He wouldn't and I was panicking more by the minute.

"Stop being a bad girl or else I will tell your mom"

He locked the door and then threw me on the bed got on top of

me, started touching me, and stripping my clothes off. I was trying with all my force to push him off me, but he was too heavy for me. After screaming for what felt like hours I just kept whispering "please stop stop stop. please"

After that it's all a blur. I lost my virginity at 17 and with the worst person ever. I remember him leaving my room and leaving me alone on the bed, crying to myself .

I never got out of my room that whole day or the next. I was scared of looking at his face of seeing those hands that had ruined me.

"Honey where's Bella?" I heard him ask my mom.

"I think shes not feeling well" she replied.

"Im going to go see if she need anything" and then there was a knock in my door. He didn't even let me open when he was already in and i just backed away from him ready to scream but suddenly in a threatening voice, the only words that would make me shut my mouth and keep this a secret.

"If you ever tell anyone what happened I am going to kill your mother, and you know I will do it."He said and left the room. Afraid and vulnerable i decided to shut my mouth she was my first priority. I could endure this by myself.

"Hows Bella?" my mother asked.

"I didnt see her she was in the bathroom" he said.

"I'll check on her right now" she said.

"Okay you do that and ill be heading to work. Love you honey never forget that." he said. He was such a liar and i hated him even more for playing with my mother than raping me.

I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked deathly white with circles under my eyes and my eyes puffy from crying all day a night. Remembering what he did yesterday send me into a panic attack. I couldn't breathe and i just sank to the ground. I was shivering but not from the cold but because I could still feel his hands on me so I ran to the bathroom and got in the shower with clothes and all and sat there.

Until a knock on the door startled me.

"Bella" my mother.

"Yeah" I said my voice sounding all raspy.

"Are u okay? You don't sound so good"

"Yeah It's just this dam headache that wont go away so I decided to take a shower. "

"Is it a migraine? Cause if it is I don't think you should go to school ." I just wanted to be alone .

"Yeah ill just stay in my room and sleep it off."

"Okay ill leave you the pills in the room"

"Okay"

I got out of the shower with my clothes soaking wet and just changed.

My mother was to preoccupied with the new baby that she didn't notice that i had started wearing long sleeves all the time and spend most of my time in the room.

She's wanted this for a baby for a long time and I would not make her unhappy when she's finally thinking, she finally gets her happy ending. Well at least one of us does.

**Okay so is anyone reading this? Because no ones commenting on it please please comment or else I'll just stop writing this if no ones reading it. :D**


	3. Transformation

**Thanks to the one person who review :D Heres the next chap for anyones whos reading my lame story LOL**

**Once again Im not Stephanie Meyer since my writing is not nearly good as hers**

The days soon seemed to move so fast but yet there where those kind of days

that where really slow like if everything was in slow motion. Like if the world was trying

to be cruel to me, in my most vulnerable time. He always got his anger off, on me.

After that first time, he kept coming every day and lucky me my mother was not home.

I cannot even look at her in the face, from all the guilt I've been feeling. Every time I asked him why was he doing this to me and my mother? He always told me it was my fault cause I didn't accept him as my mom boyfriend and I needed to be punished and after a while, of hearing that, I started believing it. I used to be a straight A girl but after all of that, it changes

you.

My teachers where the ones who started noticing, the changes, in me. Even

though I tried my best to just act the same, I just couldn't. After the first time I slipped, I

stopped caring, because it was too much. The chaos around me was too much and I just did not notice anyone or anything around me. My friends stopped talking to me because they said it was just too freaking depressing being around me, and I could not blame them. I looked like a living zombie. One day I got home and my mom was alone. I had this gut feeling that I should tell my mom what has been happening because this was just becoming too much for me to handle I was tired of wearing pants and long sleeved shirts all the time because of my bruised legs and

arms. . Many kids at school thought I was an emo chick, but they had no idea what I was going through. For all I cared, they could think whatever they wanted.

But whether I liked it or not this was going to be my one chance to

be alone with her, before James got home.

"Mom, can I talk with you?" I whispered my voice barely a whisper.

"Sure honey what's up?"

"Umm…I'm going to tell you something that is really hard for me to explain but I just need you to believe me because if you don't then who will?" My heart was beating fast and my palms were sweaty and she was starting to look

worried. I started thinking that maybe this was a bad idea but then I remembered James and what he did to me and I just needed the one person, my mother, to make this all go away and to just hold me and tell me that it was going to be all right.

"Bella whatever it is it cant be that bad honey, just tell me. I'm your mom how would I not believe in you?" I was about to tell her about the time I tried to tell her James was the man that raped Samantha but then decided it was better to leave it like this.

"Mom about 4 months ago James raped me and he just does not want to stop!" I whispered and immediately started crying like a crazy person it scared the shit out of my mom. I knew she was doubting me, I could see it in her face, thinking that I was lying to her cause I did not like him.

"Don't tell me I'm lying mom, cause I'm NOT! I am not I am not!" I just lost it and fell on the floor on my knees crying. Right there and then she knew I wasnt lying, since I wasn't much of a crier. She hugged me and was whispering something that I could not hear.

and she looked at me

with those pleading eyes she made when she wanted me to do something her way

but this time It was just too much for me,and I could just not lie.

"Mom I'm telling you this cause its true not because I don't like him." I suddenly

remembered his threatening voice, "If you tell your mother anything I will kill her I

promise you."

"But promise me mom you will not tell him he will.." and I could not bring myself to tell the her that James would kill her if he ever found out.

"How could he do this to you my own flesh and blood when he told me he loved me

how how how! Could he do this to u and me! We are moving out Bella we need to

get you, somewhere safe baby." she started sobbing and it seemed extremely loud in

this big quiet house. So I just hugged her and cried silently until she stopped. I wish I

could have told her how much I loved her, if I even had an idea that this was the last

time I would ever hug her or see her conscious.

"Thank you mom, I just can't be close to him especially tonight." I remembered today

was one of those nights and suddenly, I was very much shaking with, panic up my

throat. I suddenly heard the door crack open. My mom whispered, and in that

moment when her face went white with panic or rage ,I don't know.

"Go to your room, lock your door, and pack all of your belongings" she was pushing

me with all her strength to the kitchen door.

"Mom I can't leave you here all alone. In in your condition" I whispered afraid he might hear me.

"Bella just go now!" she sounded very much exasperated. " I will be fine. He would not dare to hurt me physically."

That's when I realized that she had no idea of the things James was capable of doing. But still, I went up to my room and locked my door packed my stuff and sat crossed legged in my bed. I'm sure time passed when I started hearing screams like if someone was being burned, literally, alive. I woke up sweating and it was my mom screaming in agony. I could only think of James doing something to her and I was not far off. Running down the stairs I bent my ankle and it hurt like hell but not as much as it hurt seeing James slap my mom across the face and she landing on the concrete. I sprinted and hit him with the baseball bat he and caught him in surprise. He fell to the ground unconscious and took the opportunity that he was immobile and reached for my mom.

" Mom mom mom! Wake up please we need to get out before he wakes up." I could feel my eyes water but no tears fell.

She was ghostly white and suddenly she woke up with the face contorted in pain. "Bella? are u there? did he take u...Bella?" There was an edge of hysteria in her voice.

"No mom I'm here now please get up before he wakes up." I said just in time for my mom to start screaming.

**Next chap this week maybe LOL :D**


	4. Chaos

**Disclamer: My imagination is not nearly as good as Stephanie's so nope im not her and i do not own Twilight.**

**Sorry for the delay i just had a lot on my plate this past month and like always please please review i'm always open to what you guys need to say good or bad :D **

My mother would not wake up and then time seemed to move so fast and

everything just looked so fast that many things I remember are just a blur. When

mother woke up it was too late cause James had woken up and he slapped me and

threw me across the room until I hit a wall Renee was trying to protect me, but she

was no match. He was much stronger than her. He threw her against the wall to get to me since she was in the way between him and me.

All along he wanted to hurt me it was me the one he wanted and maybe he loved her but he was a psycho who knew no better and just

had kill me to keep me from talking or kill her to get to me, and I was scared because I knew my mother would rather kill herself than see me dead, that's just how much she loved me.

Maybe he never meant to hurt her, or at least, that's what I prefer to think, but she knew too much and he needed to kill her before anyone else found out because he knew that going back to jail he would stay there

My mother was lying in the ground much too still and that's when something clicked in me to do something not just stand there shocked, looking at her. I punched him in his right cheek and he suddenly grabbed me by the hair and I managed to get out. Then he grabbed me by the legs and pulled me across the floor. I was trying to stop it by grabbing anything. So many things seemed to come down but he would not stop and he dragged me to the stairs while I screamed and thrashed. I managed to trip him with my shoes and went

over to my mother and he tried to grab me but I was already out the door and I ran

to the neighbors. I was so close to the nearest house but It was raining and I slipped and twisted my ankle and yelled "Ouch!" and he heard me. I tried to scramble myself up but the pain was too much and he was getting closer and closer and the fear was so much, that I knew I was going to die that I didn't care anymore and just yelled and yelled "AHHHHHHH HELP ME PLEASE HELP ME SOMEONE..." and then there was a white hand covering my mouth and dragging me back to the house and I tried screaming for my life but it was muffled by his hand covering my mouth. The last thing I saw was the neighbors door open with the phone in hand running toward my house looking at me being dragged back into the house.

" Just for screaming like that bitch, you will pay." Where the first things James said tome inside the house. I saw him go to the kitchen under all of the knifes he had a gun and I knew in the back of my mind what he was about to do _boom! _was the first

thing I heard and my first instinct was to cover my ears and close my eyes.

"NOOOOO!MOM!"I screamed and screamed and the room was just

spinning and my knees were wobbly I fell to the ground and crawled to were my

mom was there bleeding like crazy everywhere and she was very still.

" Mom can you hear me? Mom please speak to me mom please _please _don't be dead!" While saying this I was crying hysterically. My pants and hands and parts of my face were covered in blood. 'Mom MOM! Wake up okay this is so not funny please wake up _wake up_!" Was shaking and shaking her but she would just not wake up.

"HAHAHAHAHA! Oh silly Bella she's not going to wake up and you know that's what happens when I specifically told you not to tell anyone about our _secret_ but you and your big mouth."

"How could you do this to me James! How could you do this to my mother!" In that moment I hated James I despised James with my whole being.

"You can't actually be mad at me Bella didn't I warn you what would happen if you opened your mouth?"

"I thought you loved her I thought you loved your own child."

"Now Bella we are done with this subject the police will be here any minute and we have to leave NOW."

"Thank god and I hope they take you to jail and keep you there for what you did!you bastard!." I started punching him in his chest and he grabbed my hands with both of his and laughed. His laugh always gave me chills.

"If they take me to jail you would not live to see that, and that I promise you, from now on you will do as I say if you want to eat or even drink water." I could hear the sirens and James picked me and I punched him on the back with my fists and with my legs hit him but I was no match. He then took me to the back door and put me in his trunk tied from the ankles and wrists and tape on my mouth. He knocked me out with a punch to the face. Later, I woke up from a horrible pain in my nose and head in a hotel with the arms tied to the bed rest and so where the legs.

"Help someone help me! Please!" I yelled and yelled desperately, even though the yelling made my headache worse. Out of nowhere James came out form the outside door.

"Its useless, the yelling Bella. No one will hear you were we are. We are out in

nowhere. This hotel has been abandoned several years now it went out of business

you see there's no one out here its useless." James had several cuts in his face and if

those where the cuts id managed to make on his face I was more than glad.

" Where's my mom? Where did u leave her James? Why didn't you just let me die! " I was so out for so long that I forgot what had happened to my mom it could have been a day ago, a week ago, even a month ago and it still felt like what happened was just yesterday.

"Your mom is dead and for that I'm glad the child she was carrying was just going to get in the way of my plans I'm glad things turned out this way, your so much better in bed than her. Besides I would not give the police the benefit of finding you that easily make them struggle and giving them the hope that your alive hahahahaha "

I suddenly noticed I was naked on the bed with bruises everywhere

"Shut up shut up shut up! Don't u dare talk to me about my mother after what you did to her! I hate YOU! I DESPISE you with my whole being! Just kill me already kill me!"

"Don't u dare talk to me like that Bella I'm your master now and I will do as I wish " I could not believe what he was saying. Like if I was a dog, a property for him to have total control of, it was horrifying, my whole freedom being taken away by this man that I didn't even know, how dare he? After the hotel, James took me to this little ranch that was isolated from the whole world there was no electricity, it was just like if we had gone back in time. I lost all hope. I was sure that I was going to have to continue taking the abuse. There was no one out here to help me. The only people that where there were James friends, but they where just like him. He tossed me over to them, so they could do those horrifying

things he did to me and they would laugh at me and leave me in the ground to cry

and beg for mercy. I used to be skinny but now I was just pure bone. If I was lucky I

ate 4 times a week. Things went on like that for a month I was bruised everywhere,

but I did not complain and rarely said a word. On Sunday morning of November

James decided to go to the city he tied me up again like if I was in jail. He said

coming back would take about 4 hrs and he was just taking precautions because he

would not risk taking me to the city and risking the chance of me telling someone

about all of this.

"Fuck you James I hate I hate hate hate! You."

"Yeah yeah whatever Bella like I care." In the room he left me where I found a saw and was able to cut the chain tied to my ankles and hopefully run the hell out of here for my life...

**Please Read: So yeah here's the deal i dont mean to nag about the review thing but if i dont have atleast 10 reviews by chapter 6 then i'll just stop there. im sorry but i just cant do this if no ones reading it D:**


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